Friday, October 22, 2010
Welcome to my rut
I am very involved in my doctors office it is a huge place and I constantly have people asking me questions... How did you do so well? Why can't I succeed like you did? What do you eat? How much physical activity do you do? Yesterday I hit rock bottom. I felt overwhelmed and just totally helpless. I feel like I am not helping people the way I should. I feel at a loss of words these days. Yes I did very well in the beginning and lost 100 pounds quick, but the last 5 months I have only lost about 30 pounds. I know some of you are like 130 and you are complaining. Let me tell you I am not complaining at all. I am so happy with myself. I feel like I have finally accomplished something on my own. I am steadily losing never gaining, but still not double digits every month anymore. I know it gets harder, but some people think I am perfect, and a pro at this banding thing. I am gonna put it out there to the whole world that I am not a pro. It is a life long struggle that I have to deal with every single day of my life. Just like everyone else that is going through this same process. I signed up knowing that I have to change my life forever. Its all about the choices we make 24 hours a day. When I cheat I admit it. and I do cheat. ha.. I have always been a people pleaser, but the past year I have worked so hard at improving myself that I have tried to constantly do what Gail wants to do, but deep down I still have the need to want to fix everyone. I get emails, texts, and phone calls from people and I want to fix them. I know I can't do it, but I get depressed that I lost so much weight, and I feel helpless when I dont have the right words to say. I had dinner with a good friend last night, and she said "Gail you can't fix no one but yourself." I know this, but I can't seem to get out of this rut. I have never really been the one to ask for help. I always listen to everyone and try to help them. So again this is huge for me. Angie the lady I went to dinner with last night used to be in a small group I used to have on Monday night months ago she even brought up the fact that at the beginning of those groups I would never talk about my self, but the leader Kristie did so well for me pushing me to open up. That was the creation of this new change in myself. I miss her and that group time so much. So now I am reaching out to you guys.