Friday, April 16, 2010
Frustrated, Yes! I am very grateful to be as successful as I have been thus far; however, we are only human to feel frustrated and discouraged right? The scale as not moved in over two weeks now. I am sticking to things like I should. Still seeing Deb my trainer and eating the right stuff, but it won’t move.. This scares me the most cause there are so many people watching. I do not want to be a failure. I know, I know I can hear the sigh in some of your voices. I am not doing this for everyone else, but just knowing that there are so many that are encouraging me and standing by me that pushes me to stick with this. I am making this whole process not a diet. I am changing my life. Changing the way I think, eat, act, and live.
I am growing as a person. Changing not only on the outside, but on the inside as well. For the first time in my life I am actually doing what Gail wants to do. I have lived so long trying to make everyone like me. I wanted to fit in every circle. It took losing a significant amount of weight to start living for me not everyone around me. I am still always going to be the nice person that wants to help everyone that part I know will never change, but I do find myself being more vocal about my thoughts and feelings. I find myself putting my needs and wants first which is coming very strange to me. My attitude lately has been this is what I want if you don’t like it then oh well... :)
My close friends are such an encouragement and challenge for me. I in the past have wanted people just to tell me what to do cause I was scared to know what the outcome would be if I stood on my own. I had an issue come up yesterday work related a very close friend gave me their opinion on what I should do, but he said I will not make your decision for you. Even though I kind of begged him. He forces me to think for myself. That is why he is one of my favorite people. This comes at the perfect time in my life cause I am not scared to do what Gail wants to do. (I love talking about myself in third person haha.) I went to bed with a heavy heart and my mind full, but for once I will make my decision and know it is what I want. That makes me feel like I am actually living my life now. Not just being a people pleaser as always or allowing everyone to live my life for me. I am thankful and blessed to have people like this in my life. You know who you are and I love you for it!
The best thing for me to do is keep going. Fighting this fight with my head held high. Just sometimes its ok to be a little discouraged I suppose. I am trying really hard. I see the Dr. on the 27th. So maybe a fill is what I need. We are praying for movement on the scale people!!
I hope everyone has a fantastic Friday!